Welcome to the Cuttlefish Room

We departed the Perhentians a few days ago, flying out of Kota Bharu to Kuala Lumpur. In the airport, we acquired the requisite junkfood: potato chips in BBQ Curry Dude and Duh! Tomato flavors, Chokie Chokie Stix (should we really eat these chocolates, or is it too dangerous?), and some Kit Kat pieces (instructions on package: "This is a break best enjoyed in an air-conditioned place."). We passed on the large premium cuttlefish floss package emblazoned with: For Spring Festival Gift." We do hope nobody was counting on any for Easter. As we checked in, someone passed us carrying a pillow that said, "Love me Little, Love me Long." Well, which is it?

We flew on Malaysia Airlines, which is much like the Malaysians we have met: friendly and very helpful. For fun, let's compare and contrast the service we received on Malaysia Air with that on US Airways. On MA, the seats are multi-hued, with each seat a different fun shade. On US Air, the seats are also multicolored, but that's because the ground crew never cleans them (did I mention that on our trip to Las Vegas, Pam found an entire package of pretzels dumped under her seat cushion? They don't just crunch when you eat them!) On MA, they served lovely pink guava juice free of charge on a flight lasting one hour. On US Airways flights lasting one hour, we get, absolutely free, the chance to worry about where our luggage is going. In fact, US Air has the gall to make us pay for water - and it's colorless!! MA's slogan is: More than just an airline code, MH is Malaysian Hospitality! US Airways slogan (unofficial, but we learned it from a flight attendant): We're Not Happy Until You're Not Happy! Finally, when we got off the plane, a nice woman from MA gave us each a small package containing Ferrero Rochers and dark chocolates, then she said, "Thank you for flying Malaysian Air." She practically had to pound us on the backs and wave smelling salts as we got over our shock. US Airways gave us...um, yeah, I'll let you know if I think of something positive.

If you come to Kuala Lumpur, make sure you stay more than one night, because the airports are more than an hour away from downtown, where they have only oil palms as neighbors. Curious ride into the city: palm oil plantations for miles, then some sparse development, then suddenly legions of high-rises and street after street of identical homes. Weirdly, almost all of these were empty. The city itself, however, is boomtown. Glittering architectural jewels of buildings and lovely parks, with just a fringe of the lower-cost hodgepodge homes/apartment buildings. In just 150 years, they've come a long way from a backwater where prospectors searched for tin but ended up dying of malaria instead. The Petronas Towers are beautiful - shiny like aluminum, nice ribbed design, lit attractively at night; Jeff and Adam got up early to stand in line for free tickets to cross the bridge between the two towers, even though it is only on the 44th floor. Good thing they did - this weekend was the culmination of a week-long school holiday, so KL was mobbed.

We stayed at the Hotel Istana, which didn't disappoint. It looked like Ivana Trump decorated it in the '70s. Very ostentatious, but very nice with spacious clean rooms, a pool (though when it began to sprinkle rain, an earnest pool guy came running out waving a little "Pool Closed" sign and we had to get out) and a view of the Petronas Towers. The evening's entertainment was viewing the city's #1 attraction: stupendous shopping malls. King of Prussia, Mall of America, hang up your signs in shame. These KL meccas are malls on steroids: many stories, soaring atriums, more chains and brands than I ever knew existed. The store clerks were a little overinvolved, though. As we entered, they began to follow us very closely, smiling happily but nonetheless putting a chill on our shopping experience by hanging on every word, peering over our shoulders, etc. In our whole evening, we ended up purchasing a Ribena drink and two cans of kaya, a delicious coconut custard jam. Oh yeah, we are big spenders in the land of Asian plenty!

Bound for Brunei, there was much lamentation as we left the Istana for the airport after a fabulous breakfast - "why do we stay one day in really nice places and four days in rooms that smell like mildew??." It wasn't until we cleared passport control that protests died as we came upon the most wondrous store: "Country Tidbit and Candies Cottage." Here, one could purchase such indispensable items as cuttlefish floss in myriad colors and lengths (the whole collection housed in its own airtight chamber due to the smell, hence the sign on the door encouraging the wary: Welcome to the Cuttlefish Room. Which, come to think of it, could be metaphorical for the entire travel experience. You choose to go there. It takes some bravery to take the plunge. The scents are unique. Generally, the denizens want you there. And it's likely that something you eat will taste nasty.) Many buyers were also inspecting Black Herbal Cubes in large and small sizes, wife biscuits, fish cookies, coconut strips, dried fruits of all shades, durian cakes, dried and sweetened flowers, fluorescent seeds and radioactively dyed candy. Should you have a need for prunes, you definitely must stop by. They had - I am not making this up - at least 40 flavors of prunes - salted, dried, tiny, gargantuan, black, red, with pits or without, one kind for stopped up old ladies and one kind for dried up old geezers - including a bin curiously labeled "Big Lover Prunes." When I bought my pumpkin seeds, I commented to the people behind the cash register that they really must love prunes here, but I got a blank look in response. Obviously prune adoration is no laughing matter in Malaysia.

When we arrived in Brunei, immigration was concerned about one thing only: did we bring any alcohol? Oh no sir, just these hallucinogenic drugs here. OK! As long as you don't bring alcohol. Anyway, it's getting late, so I will wrap this up and tell you in my next post about our fruitless efforts to talk to the Sultan of Brunei. And they didn't even care that I'd already met the pope, who is responsible for far more than 400,000 souls (the tiny little population of the Sultanate).