No Worries, We're Upgraded, Mates

Did I mention that Jeff and I, though we only paid for a cabin with a view of a cozy lifeboat, were upgraded to a cabin with a balcony? We’ve experienced all kinds of weather conditions outside: sunny, being sprayed thickly with ocean water, calm and balmy, so windy that it blasts the hair off one’s head, smoky due to the Danish heavy smokers next door, gazing upon the most colorful double rainbow we’ve ever seen, etc. Actually that last we viewed from the deck after throwing down our ping pong paddles and rushing outside, scaring a large group of old people peacefully drinking beer. But when you can see four rainbow ends at once, rushing is called for even if outrageously expensive alcohol spills.

The kids weren’t upgraded, which means that two adolescents who want to sleep all the time in the best of circumstances are effectively staying in a cave. No matter what time we wake them up, they appear at the door blinking and cranky as if it’s the middle of the night. The ship’s food has been delicious and varied –fish, frog’s legs, many vegetables and fruits, an array of desserts - though our appreciation is dimming by the day. We couldn’t get enough for the first 24 hours (since we’d been economizing before that by not eating much) then we weren’t quite so hungry the next day, and now, though we admire everything, we mostly stick to salads and fruits and a bite or two of dessert. With all the hiking in ports, going up and down endless stairs and walking to and fro (gosh, I thought the library was at this end of the ship, but now I realize I’m turned around), we’re becoming pretty fit. Not so most others, as the spa assures us that passengers gain 1-2 pounds PER DAY on average. Scary. Or good marketing for the “Cellulite Detox Program – lose 8 inches in one session!” Further enticements for the program include “Free arm application.” But I already have two.

Should be fun to roust the kids out of their den tomorrow at 7 a.m. to visit Hobart, Tasmania. Tasmania used to be the butt of jokes in Australia, for some weird reason (ha, ha your island is smaller than ours) but people are now wise to the scenic beauty and wildlife it offers and it’s a popular vacation destination. Hobart was the second settlement in Australia and received the worst of England’s worst criminals, including batches of women convicts who committed heinous transgressions in England such as stealing a fork. These roustabouts built a small settlement: 17 pubs and three houses. Only kidding about the ratio, but Hobartians drank a lot back then and evidently still tipple extensively today.

Late next day – We debarked expeditiously this morning to wander around Hobart by foot, though low clouds obscured Mount Wellington, which looms over town. A Hobart goodwill ambassador at the port told us straight away that we wouldn’t see any Tasmanian devils. They’re mostly nocturnal, but she says they do wake up sometimes in the middle of the day to gnaw tempting sheep ankles or just snarl irritably. They’re also happy to clean up Tasmania’s extensive roadkill and, should it be necessary, the infrequent murder victim. Somebody missing? Find that person fast, or else there’s not much left and the forensics staff is disappointed yet again. Murders on a tiny island seem farfetched, but Tasmanian pubs, like those in Sydney (we know this from the Sydney newspaper) become violent on a somewhat regular basis. Hey, if 3 out of 4 of your ancestors had swum ashore from shipwrecks, you might have a dim view of life, too. From the Maritime Museum, we found out that hundreds of ships have wrecked around Tasmania over the years; captains often preferred to shoot the prisoners or leave them to sink in heavy irons instead of helping them to shore.

On the other end of the spectrum, today’s front page story in the Mercury (Voice of Tasmania) concerns the city-wide search consuming large swaths of time for both officials and citizens…seeking the beloved stuffed rabbit lost by Emily, who is five and can’t spare a single bunny from her extensive personal warren. I am not making this up, to quote Dave Barry. Other weird written matter seen about town:

- Grace removals (apparently a trash company, but still, so close to Lent and all)
- Maritime paraphernalia that promises to “absorb two to three times the oil of competing socks.”
- “Legacy puddings available now.”
- Hot Dry Rocks (a geothermal energy consulting firm that is very literal)

Otherwise, we ate excellent Hobartian tiger prawns that measured 9 inches from head to tail. We also picked up the big big jar of Vegemite, since Adam has taken a liking to “the world’s best source of B vitamins.” Most of the world, however, prefers to find B vitamins just about anywhere else. IMO, Vegemite looks and smells exactly like what we cleaned out of our dog’s ears.