From Paradise to Hell and Back Again

We're now in the Perhentians, a pair of small islands off the eastern coast of the Malaysian peninsula in the South China Sea. We spent the previous two nights at the luxurious Naithonburi resort on Naithon Beach on Phuket, Thailand. It's the kind of place we seem to specialize in locating: up and coming properties that we won't be able to afford in two years. This beach, on the northwestern corner of Phuket, and only 10 minutes from the airport, was perfection: white sand, a perfect curved bay, turquoise water and exciting surf. Occasional waves were 8 feet over our heads and we had to duck under them. Lots of fish, too, though their appearances were brief and frightening. Twice when we were swimming, fish about two feet long jumped out of the water and skittered across the surface - it was scary because such antics are probably escape maneuvers from something bigger. One jumper's splashdown caused a foot-long needle fish to leap out and dash madly toward us using its tail as an outboard motor. I actually screamed because I could clearly see its beady eyes speeding at me and it came so close it could have speared my head. Cruelly cut down by a needle fish: so undignified. I can hear the stories now: "She died HOW? No, you're kidding me."

To recover, we had a Thai massage (all 4 of us) and ate some freshly cooked crepe-like pancakes with delectable bananas inside and sweetened condensed milk on top. I adore people who consider sweetened condensed milk a sauce. The fellow who fixed them for us had a food cart he towed around by motorbike and each was produced very methodically - dipping from a huge vat of impossibly yellow margarine (solid even in the tropics, I'm sure it's full of trans fats), spreading it over the piping hotplate, slapping the dough expertly into a paper-thin sheet, folding it, cooking until it was brown and crispy. After our snack, we swam in the enormous pool, then repaired to our enormous room for a shower and some TV (very very funny to see Brother Bear in thai), followed by a stroll past the traditional hammer dulcimer player, followed by watching the fish in the reflecting pools, etc. What a posh place (BTW, on the ship we discovered the origin of the word posh. It's an acronym for port out, starboard home. When traveling to/from England to India, you wanted your stateroom on port for the trip to India and starboard for the trip home, i.e. on the shady side).

Breakfast was included in the room rate and we ate ourselves silly (low cost traveling strategy: stuff yourself at breakfast if it's included). My mouth still waters when I think of the seedy granola, the yogurt we at the granola with, the crisply fried eggs with orange yolks, the pork congee with condiments like fish sauce, browned garlic, scallions, shards of fried ginger. And the fruit was exceptional: papaya, pineapple, melon carved into beautiful flower shapes. See what I mean about not affording it soon? It's a trend: we've stayed at places we can't afford anymore all over the world!! In any case, this hotel and the little town in which it is located ( a sleepy one street town with very little traffic and shady casuarina trees) are winners - if at all possible, go there. It's very convenient to get to from Bangkok - a short flight, then a 10-minute drive from the airport (the runway is situated such that planes never fly over Naithon). Here's another way you can tell it's good: it's very popular with Germans. Someone once told us that you can tell a place is good if Germans go there, since they're very demanding and picky. Not meaning to stereotype, but our experience supports the adage.

So on to the Perhentians, which are VERY difficult to get to. When we made reservations for this trip, we hemmed and hawed over whether they'd be worth it, since it would take a whole day to get there: a plane from Phuket to Kuala Lumpur (when traveling Asia on low cost carriers, you can't go to hell without going through Kuala Lumpur. KL passport control is staffed by unsmiling officers, one of whom wore a button that said, "Service with a Smile!" As Laura said, "'Service with a Bored, Disgusted Look' is more like it." ), then from KL to Kota Bahru on the Malaysian peninsula, then an hour van ride to the wharf, then a half-hour boat ride to Tuna Bay Resort. IMO, "resort" is an aspirational term for this place. Late in the day in the rain, we thought we had indeed gone to hell through Kuala Lumpur. The main open air restaurant/check-in counter/dive shop was dank, sandy, dark, the rooms were dank, sandy, dark. Happily, the AC worked and we were very tired from our 6 a.m. start, so we had dinner (including anesthetizing gin and tonics) and fell into bed. We woke to torrential rain - the fourth day of it (I knew it was bad news when our van drove through puddles that were attaining lake-like proportions.)

It's not supposed to rain like this until later in the year here. Luckily the weather gods remembered that an hour later. It cleared to reveal a cerulean sky, a gorgeous beach with granite boulders at one end, palm trees, etc. And awesome snorkeling right off the beach!! We saw fish and corals we've never seen before, including a two-foot long puffer fish. Within two hours, Jeff and I morphed from the worst parents in the world who pry their put-upon offspring from comfort to the best possible parents who introduce their children to a a deliriously wonderful tropical paradise.

Paradise does have its thorns, though. As I was wading out of the surf on our beach, I luckily still had my mask on, so I DID NOT step on the stone fish camouflaged in the shallow water. I noticed him because he looked like the large leaves that were washing around, but leaves don't have eyes, which he happened to twitch while I was studying him quizzically. We all looked at his deadly little self, then carefully walked around him. First time I've ever seen a stone fish, and we saw two more later that day, though they were in much deeper water and sitting on an enormous barrel sponge. They were counterbalanced, however, when I swam right next to a giant turtle later in the day.